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Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Miss. Needy vs. Miss. Independent

The other day the image on the right hand side of your screen managed to hit my Facebook news feed.

The post triggered a memory from a conversation I had with an old family friend that turned into a heated debate about independent women.

My family friend, who I'll call Bruce, is on his second marriage and is now mulling around the idea of a second divorce. "I've decided to just call it quits and pay alimony."

That's two women and two children he's taking care of. I asked him what the problem might be. "It seems that I only date needy women." I quickly corrected him and told him that he was attracted and drawn to needy women. "When you've settled your heart and mind after your divorce you may want to consider dating independent women," I advised.

That was the worst advice I could have given Bruce because I quickly found out that independent women are not his cup of tea. "I could never date an independent woman," he informed me. "You are independent and I could never go out with a woman like you." Ouch!

Given that Bruce is more like my little brother I really wasn't that offended by his disinterest in independent women. However, I was still a little disappointed that he felt this way and confused as to why he's complaining about having needy women in his life.

Bruce considers an independent woman one who makes the world know and flaunts that she "doesn't need a man to take care of her." That's pretty old school and small town thinking, I thought to myself.

The debate went back and forth for about 30 minutes. He tried to explain that women who works, and are able to take care of the household on their own are dangerous for men. Why? Because a strong independent woman makes a man feel that he's not dominate in his home.

Bruce then turned the conversation into why Black men date Caucasian women instead of Black women and why Caucasian men don't date Black women. (But this is a topic that has been discussed for years and is a blog post in the making. Stay tuned.)

I tried to explain that regardless of race some women have no choice but to be independent. If a woman's husband dies then it is up to her to keep things moving for the family. Of course it may be easier for her to maintain if there are no children involved. At that same time, its important that both men and women have the ability to handle life on their own if there significant other dies, becomes disabled, or if one side calls it quits. Needless to say my words fell on deaf ears.

Definition of Independent...

Speaking from experience, an independent woman is a woman who can handle her business, whether its financial, family, household and everything in between. Miss Independent also doesn't mind helping her man out if he becomes unemployed or just needs a break. "Baby I got this," are words that men needs to hear from their women every now and again.

Other people's definition of an independent woman includes: A woman who is reluctant to ask for help because she wants to figure things out for herself; having the confidence to manage her career and well being, and being able to enjoy her own company.

So what's your definition of an independent woman? Is being an independent woman really that bad?

Leave your comment below, tweet me @TCsViews or e-mail your views to

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